You Don’t Know How Far She’s Come
It has taken me a long time to write this post.
I have been dealing with some pretty heavy negative self-image issues lately and every time I sat to write this post, I couldn’t get the words to flow from my heart to my fingertips.
Every time I write a blog post, I pour a lot of energy into what I want to convey to you readers. I sometimes walk around my kitchen-living room loop talking out loud to myself while I make sure the words come out perfectly. Sometimes when I am in bed at night I send myself little text messages with ideas or phrases I want to include in a blog post… because I know I can not rely on my sleep-deprived memory alone.
Yesterday was Waking Up Thirty’s first birthday – a blogiversary and one full year of blogging!
I started writing a sort of round-up post about the beginnings and naivete I had about blogging in general when I first started, but the post was not coming to me.
Then I woke up this morning and realized I really didn’t want to write that post and had something else on my mind.
We are having another Anxiety Talks livestream next week!
When life isn’t as romantic as the fantasy in our heads, we can still choose to be happy – even if that happiness comes with asking for help and a some hard work.
My Anxiety Story:
For years and years I suffered in silence thinking I was one of the rare ones living with anxiety.
“You are not the victim of your choices.”
The other day I was wallowing in self-pity – another day of not doing. I hadn’t worked toward any of my goals. The manufacturers of my living room couch just had to make it so incredibly comfortable, didn’t they? Facebook needed so much of my attention. I wasn’t feeling like my futile attempts were getting me anywhere, so why bother? I was playing the victim role – even though the situation I was in was totally in my control.
When we want change we often think to begin anew we need to have a concrete end to something else – a thing that often has no relation to the change we actually want to see happen. How many of us have waited until the following Monday before starting a diet? Or thought that we had to end a relationship in order to start fresh within ourselves? It doesn’t have to be this way, and I am going to tell you why using mindfulness to create a new beginning within yourself can and should be done even amidst times of stress and turmoil.
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“Spring is just around the corner” – I keep trying to convince myself that there is truth in that statement, but I am having a very difficult time with the last few weeks of winter.
Let me preface this post by saying this – I love my kids and being their mother is not something I take lightly. They are healthy, happy and well taken care of. Please remember this point as you read the rest of this post.
Being a mother is hard.