I think I am naturally quite an asshole.
I work really hard at not being one.
There was a time I didn’t care and would tear a strip off someone or totally confront someone over petty matters and basically be an all around dick – but I realized how exhausting and self destructive it was.
I blame it on being a spoiled youngin’ raised in a healthy home full of sarcasm, general pickiness and the ever-so-often, “Mum and Dad should have told you that you were adopted.”
Note: Not adopted.
Basically, I come from a long line of assholes.
Just kidding – I love my family… most days.
But, seriously now, I truly feel like the world is currently comprised of a lot of people who think being a jerk is the thing to do.
After all, being a jerk and being known as The Jerk, can kind of give you free reign to become more and more terrible without any consequences, amirite?
The Kicker is: Once you have The Jerk label, it is a tough one to shake.
I am sure there are plenty of people who regard me in this light.
It isn’t really anyone that matters in my life currently, but what if the tides changed and someday I find myself wanting to get a job with someone who thought I was an asshole?
Or in a far off place I actually made friends with someone, but then their opinion of me got skewed by someone who knew The Jerk me? There goes another BFF… again.
I think well all have memories of that one person in our lives who treated us like crap – and maybe treated everyone else like crap too – and was The Jerk from the get go.
These instances and that label could have happened when we were children, yet in our minds that dude is still The Jerk.
Who gives a shit that they donate a portion of their paycheck to charity and is a great mentor to our local youth?
They are THE JERK, GODDAMMIT!
Also, as long as someone else is The Jerk, the label does not fall onto anyone else.
Yeah, that’s right. You may even get away with being a bit sly and wankerish every now and then, because you know you will never live up to the expectations of The Jerk – especially if The Jerk’s within your tight social circle.
As for myself, you can ask my husband and he will flat out tell you that I am not a sweet little wifey who is so darling and nice.
Nope. I am still a little bit assholish sometimes.
We don’t fight much, but I am so very much pig headed and stubborn that I declare I win all the arguments.
If I do not win all the arguments, another argument will ensue so I even up the tally.
I am also the worst opponent in a board game ever…
…and cards. I am kind of a dick when I play cards.
Winning. I win everything.
Win or die.
But, I have #GOALS you guys.
Working on myself comes in so many forms.
I am physically trying to be better, mentally trying to be better and outwardly just trying to be better as well.
I know we all think we are good guys – even The Jerk can sometimes think they are doing nothing wrong – and it takes a lot of self-evaluation to see that a personality trait needs to change.
It also takes mental strength to purposefully interact with people in a different way than you have been used to for so long.
– Gone are the days when I use someone’s flaws to get a laugh from someone else.
I haven’t done that in a really long time and I always found it to be the most hurtful when it happened to me. (Also, the days of laughing at those jokes coming from someone else are gone as well.)
– Gone are the days when I judged someone solely on how they looked. I am a pretty clear fucking example of “Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover” myself. I can expand this further by not judging them on what their socio-economic status is. You don’t have to have a yacht to be my bud – although that would be pretty sweet.
– Gone are the days of not talking to someone because I thought our meeting was irrelevant or insignificant. Saying “Hello” to the bridge toll guys or asking a cashier how their day is going is not going to fucking hurt. Although, as a stay at home mom, I will yak some of their ears off. GIVE ME ADULT INTERACTION!
– Gone are the days of worrying about how other people live and caring about their counterpart gossiping hens and the twisted words they weave. Someone out there may be talking about me at this very moment. Trust me, I am just trying to live life how I want and how I think will suit me and my family best – so is everyone else – even if you don’t always agree with the choices they make.
Those are just a small fraction of the things that I feel like have changed for me.
In my journey to be a better person I can often come across as intense and a bit scattered.
It is all because I want to relate to everyone.
I want to listen. No one else seems to be listening, so someone has to genuinely do it.
I also want to care about some people other than myself and my immediate family.
So, I guess this means something.
Buh-bye, Jerk Face.
So long, Asshole.
Hello, Mrs. IamWorkingOnIt.
PS) I still CRUSH at Monopoly. Crib is a whole-otha-level of bitchassiness.