When I was in Grade 7 I was a real go-getter schoolwork-wise.
I was adamant that I would hold my Honours with Distinction certificate at the end of the year and show my parents proudly. I am pretty sure I did, but hey… who can remember back that far? It was nearly 20 years ago, after all. Shit.
There are a few things I do clearly remember about my first year of middle school.
I remember my horrible haircut. I had a hairdo similar to my own mother’s at the time… and this was 1996, so… sorry Mom, but it was a friggin’ disaster.
I also remember a certain trouble-maker boy asking me if he could see my “bee stings” and I had no idea what he was talking about, but I still laughed at him.
I remember not making the soccer team even though I had played soccer for two or three summers previously. I never did have any real desire to play team sports again after that.
I also remember a particular quote that my Grade 7 teacher had written out on a piece of laminated construction paper on the wall. The quote stood out to me for some reason and I have remembered it all this time. I often use it as inspiration when I am feeling less than motivated.
“A wish is a dream without effort.”
“A wish is a dream without effort.”
I have no idea who this quote is actually from. I tried looking it up on the internet and the closest I could come to is:
“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery – a French writer, poet, aristocrat and journalist. I am assuming that because he was French that it is possible the quote has been translated into English several different ways.
This quote is something I have taken with me throughout my entire life. If you think about it, nothing gets done unless we work for it. It isn’t very often that things just fall into our laps – and if by chance they do, we often don’t appreciate it. Sitting on our asses wishing for things to happen often results in major disappointment. I can’t even say it results in failure, because to fail you actually have had to try. So, when I am feeling low and like nothing is happening, I think about this quote and I start trying to work towards my goals. I sometimes make baby steps, or my plan looks like something out of a child’s mind, but at least I am working for it.
Don’t get me wrong – I have had those wishes where I have sat and waited for something to happen. Almost always in this case the dream was something I was embarrassed to admit or felt like it was out of reach and beyond my capabilities. Or, alternatively, I stopped working towards my goal because I got comfortable where I was.
Comfort can be such a nasty thing sometimes. Look at my former career, for instance – I had the opportunity to move on a couple of times, but I was so worried about failing or making myself the target for inner-office whispering that I decided to stay put and keep rolling in my safe zone. It keeps you safe, and still.
Now I am in a whole different situation. I have the opportunity to do what I wish as long as it doesn’t interfere with my daily ability to take care of my kids and be the home-front – (Oh, and as long as it doesn’t cost a million dollars.)
So, what have I done in a year of being home? Not much, really. I went quite a while thinking that I didn’t really have any dreams to work for anymore. I felt a little hollow and almost like I was stuck in deep mud for a while there. Everyday was a struggle to wade through fatigue, not having a clear idea of what I wanted, and trying to let things come to me openhanded.
It hasn’t been until the past couple of months that I have decided I am not going to wait around any longer for things to get going and instead I am going to start making them happen myself. Some little spark ignited somewhere – I think it comes from my perpetual need for variety. I went a long time without anything new or exciting, so I guess the only thing that I needed for that fire to start was time.
I needed time to think and a time to feel low and heavy so I could start climbing back up.
Starting this blog was probably one of the most “out-there” ideas. I know some of you wonder why the hell anyone would want to share as much as I do and all I can say in return is that we are all fucking different and so we all want to do different things. That’s enough.
I am getting ready to teach some fitness classes this fall as well. These classes are probably my biggest social interaction I will have to look forward to this fall and winter. I am stoked and yet nervous. I am trying my best to get all my ducks in a row and make the classes as awesome as they were for me when I was a participant. I was the happiest ever when I was teaching classes previously, I am really hoping to get there again.
Have I been giving my “favourite quote” the dedication it deserves? Not consistently, but it is still there, taunting me and wagging its finger in my face. It sometimes bumps heads with my second favourite quote:
“I am what I am and that’s all that I am.” – Popeye
“I am what I am and that’s all that I am.”
That pretty much sums me up. I can’t be any different – but I also know I am dynamic and ever changing. That’s what I am.
Do you have any sayings or quotes that give you life? I don’t mean the memes that cross your Facebook feed every day, but maybe something inspiring that has stuck with you and helps you get through tough times or helps you crush life when it feels heavy. I’d love to hear them.