Not Everything that Hurts is Bad

We have all been hurt in ways that we think are unique. Someone intentionally hurt our feelings and our pride. Something we overheard or saw offended our senses and we took it to heart or we misunderstood someone and decided to hold a grudge.

…And then maybe something different altogether – someone told us the truth.

Sometimes that truth hurts.

What does it mean when truth stings us? For myself, it usually means I was in denial about something. Maybe I didn’t want to admit to my fault and someone else pointing it out made me feel exposed and vulnerable – therefore I morphed those feelings into being insulted. It doesn’t make it hurt any less to know that you have been told the truth, but it also doesn’t mean that the pain is bad.

Not everything that hurts is bad.

Sometimes we can use that pain and that truth to grow.

If we stew and harbour on the pain – we do nothing to benefit ourselves. It leads to ostracizing people, feelings of self-doubt and negativity, feeling like we are not in control of our emotions or that we have been misunderstood. It sucks.

I think we have all been a position where we get hurt so badly that all we can say is, “I don’t give a fuck!”  – When really, even the way we say, “I don’t give a fuck,” clearly shows how much we do, in fact, give fucks.

Saying how you “don’t care” about the pain you are going through or the situation that led you to it, but yet being obviously hurt and not letting go of the situation is an indicator to everyone that you are lying to yourself.

Care! Give those fucks!

There is no rule that in order to be awesome, you have to brush everything off the shoulder and move on. Some of the most baddass people I know are the ones who actually take the time to reflect on their problems, see how they might have been in the wrong (or maybe just oblivious) and decided to work on themselves instead of pointing fingers and shifting the blame elsewhere.

I love these people. I am always in awe about how they are able to really step back and see the bigger picture – and they take the opportunity to grow or learn something about themselves. Magic. Pure magic.  I am trying to get there bit by bit.

I am 100% an Empath. When I see someone who has been holding onto the hurt, I can see it written on their faces, I can tell that they feel heavy. A grudge is usually the most apparent, because it lingers and it is a choice they have made – which causes even more problems. Anger is by far the worst feeling because it manifests itself in ways that are simply draining. We make ourselves believe that our pain is the only pain. Noone else can feel what we are feeling and we must be the only ones who have ever felt this way. Ever.

We all go through terrible times in life. You have no right to tell someone that their pain is not valid, and that your pain is more severe or a step up from theirs. That’s not how this works and I not trying to say that minor scuffles and pain should be ignored. No. Take that pain, that hurt and look it in the face. Tell it why you are not letting it weigh you down and deal with the source.

You have to love yourself through this process enough to know that on the other side you will be stronger, better and happier.

From my girl, Elsa, “Let it go.”

But first, let it in.

 

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2 Replies to “Not Everything that Hurts is Bad”

  1. For me, I find that whenever I’m “insulted” I can admit why I had an issue with what was said to me to myself, but I have a hard time admitting that to other people. A recent simple example, my boyfriend likes to say I eat the vegetables of a five-year-old, which I find insulting. Yes, I don’t like a wide variety of vegetables, but that doesn’t mean I don’t try “adult” vegetables (like broccoli, cauliflower, tomatoes, etc). I try things, but don’t like them. At this point, he knows this upsets me and that I do try new foods, but it’s still something we’re both working at. I find that part of dealing with being “insulted” is just becoming more self-aware and growing up mentally and socially.

    1. Your last sentence is exactly what I am getting at here. It doesn’t matter how minor or major the offense, but learning to look at yourself and see the truth instead of immediately hitting back is what helps us grow.

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