Tribes. They are everywhere, but my God, socializing as an adult is so awful sometimes and trying to permeate a tribe is like running through a brick wall.
I get it. None of us want to commit to each other. We have been hurt in the past – or have done the hurting – and we don’t have time for investing in people we don’t immediately see a reflection of ourselves in. We also see ourselves as shitty friends anyway – like, who wants to suddenly be friends with someone who has maybe one day a month to hang out?
I feel a little ragey and a little bit of sadness whenever I see the “tribe” quotes on social media. I am sure you have seen them, but if you haven’t let me show you what you’re missing:
So, let me break it down for everyone. Apparently without a group of other like-minded people, we are weak, outcasts and basically too odd to fit.
I have no “tribe.”
I see the posts on social media about the groups of people doing amazing things and they seem to gel so easily together… and I don’t have that. Maybe my weirdness extends too far off the deep end for anyone to really feel comfortable enough? Maybe I have also pushed my tribe away?
What I do know is that I feel like a lone ranger sometimes. I have my few close friends, but we are definitely not a “tribe.” We all get along, but we don’t do activities as a collective group. There are definitive boundaries around these friendships and that does not include tribing.
The single friends do their own thing – mostly partying and going on adventures that for myself would require a babysitter and way more planning time. It is near impossible for myself to be spontaneous.
The newly married/common-law friends without children are busy loving their significant others. I get it – Husband and I went through the exact same thing. There was a time that we couldn’t get enough of each other. On the flip, if our partners don’t know each other, it is going to take a really long time (if ever) when they are comfortable enough for us all to chill out together as one unit. Couple dates are not tribing.
Long-term relationship/with kids. Need I say more? I feel like this group of people either already have their tribes established or they are too busy to notice that they even have one. This is my peer group, and breaking into a defined group is tough as hell at this point in our lives. The bond of trust has already been sealed. The initiation is intense and often there are those who don’t make it.
Then there are those like me. Too weird. Too against the grain. Too hard to manage.
I felt like I had a really solid friendship once and we were most likely viewed as a tribe of two – but that friendship blew up and it was devastating. I feel like that falling out has left a barrier between myself and my ability to let people into my life. Not only that, but I also assume that other people have this problem as well. What’s the point in trying to form relationships if we aren’t really going to let people in? Move along, right?
I used to think I was pretty like-able. Now I am feeling like maybe the fact that I kind of already know who I am, I don’t have a filter and I expect a little more from people has left me unreachable.
So, here I am. Tribeless.
I am trying to rock it, but some days I feel the need to connect on that level that we did with our best friends growing up. I want some belly laughs and to totally be myself (which includes being a sarcastic bitch about 78% of the time) without having to worry about losing face. I want to open up, but I feel like I have closed a part of me for good.
So, if you are out there, feeling tribeless yourself – Holla.
We have our own tribe. The Tribeless Tribe.