Smells Like Dog

We had a lot of really awful crap happen to us in the last few months of 2016.

Our shed was completely robbed clean on Thanksgiving Weekend. The thieves managed to take off with thousands of dollars of my husband’s tools and also stole quite a bit from our neighbours. We were lucky we had insurance and they are lucky we didn’t catch them ourselves.

We had a family member get sick. All is well for now, but it is a reminder of our time here on earth.

Things broke. Things broke a lot.

Vehicles. Washing machine. Vehicles again.

My heart also got broken.

No, my husband didn’t leave me – although I think he would be better off sometimes.

We had to say goodbye to our senior-aged golden retriever, Molson.


This was the saddest thing to happen to me as an adult.

Molson was our first dog as adulting people. I brought him home when he was 3 years old and he lived with us for almost 11 years.

He was full of spunk and fun and oh so mischievous and sometimes an asshole.

Around the first week of December my husband was rubbing his belly and noticed a pink lump near his groin. We had also noticed he had been losing a bit of weight and was falling down sometimes (not fully, just like up the stairs or trying to get on furniture – his back legs would give out). I attributed the falling down to the fact that he had a metal hip from being in an accident 6 years ago when his bone was shattered into a million pieces. We thought the pink lump was a fatty cyst as he had others which were already checked – and which aging dogs do often get.

A week after finding the original lump I noticed it was starting to get larger so I made the call to the vet and had an appointment for us a week later.

By the time that appointment came Molson had growths all over his underbelly, on his chest, neck and one coming from an ear.

Fast growing tumours.

So that appointment turned into his last day with us.

I took him for walk beforehand and he tried to crap on the neighbour’s lawn. This made me laugh and cry all at the same time.

I got him into the car, which he always loved, and myself and my teenager took him to get some cheeseburgers.

I had honestly thought that last day with him would last so much longer. We all have those days that seem to drag on and on – this day was the opposite. Fastest day of our lives.

One minute we were in the lobby of the vet hospital, and the next he was having his leg shaved for the needle.

He was surprisingly a really well behaved boy that night. He laid right down for the vet and the tech and just listened to me as I repeated over and over that he was “such a good boy.”

I laid with him until the very end. When the vet was listening to his heart told me he was gone, I literally felt my heart break. Something in the back of my mind, some childish hope, had me thinking that miraculously the drugs wouldn’t take effect and he would be known as that one dog who made it and lived forever, lumps and all. But, that’s quite a selfish thought, isn’t it? He slipped away.

We always laughed at Molson when he slept because he was a vivid dreamer. He would run in his sleep, bark like a puppy and his eyes and nose twitched constantly.

I noticed after he had been pronounced “gone” that his nose was twitching, as usual.

Something in me felt like I needed to kneel down and just let him sniff my hand. I know he was clinically dead – but I just had to. What if he was sniffing his way to the otherside? What if he just needed to remember something familiar?

I know, childish thoughts.

But, if there is anything that made me feel like a kid as an adult, it was this dog.

My running buddy, our companion, the one who comforted me during a pregnancy loss, the one I got so frustrated with when he stole food from my toddler, this dog that I thought was the most beautiful dog I had ever seen – we still love him so much.

I took his leash and collar home with me and put it in my top dresser drawer.

Over the next couple of weeks Christmas came and went.

I cleaned the house, we turfed all the dog things like dishes, the mat he used under his dishes so he didn’t slobber everywhere, his lead line for outside… all gone.

I cleaned every inch of this house. I slow vacuumed our rugs and dusted every inch. I made sure to wash all our bedding, curtains, yada yada. I lit candles and wax melt pot thingys.

It took a couple of weeks, but I think we finally got the smell of dog out of our house.

But, sometimes I open my top dresser drawer and take a lonnnng whiff.

Stinky bastard.

I will love him always.

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