Bad at Pretending

This is attempt 3865 at writing this post.

What a whirlwind of a year we have had in the Stephens household. I took on volunteer roles, our youngest had her first year of preschool, our oldest is typical TEEN-OMG-AGERing on the daily, my husband left his job, both of us have started new businesses this summer and some nights we barely get to say hello to each other before our heads hit the pillow. Oh, and in the midst of this, our house flooded. The entire basement flooded during the great “Flash Flood of 2018” and all our downstairs possessions are now upstairs while everything dries out and we figure out what the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks we are going to do. No insurance coverage = of course.

Some days it is so easy for me to focus on the negatives. We have had a few mishaps happen, but holy moly we have had a lot of great opportunities as well. I thank the gods every day that I married a handsome and handyman who gets along with every person he meets – he balances out my “I’m judging the shit out of you” face every single time. Please note: I’m not really judging you, I am probably thinking about my to-do list or wondering where the end of the universe really is. (Can we touch it? If we enter a black hole will we get some sort of “Interstellar” treatment, or will we just disintegrate? This is important.)

My mind is always going. It’s racing really.


I have always wondered what other people are thinking too. If you have that far off look in your face I think, “are you somewhere else?” I also focus entirely too much time on people’s intentions. Sometimes I feel like people choose their words in such crafty ways. I’m a triggered person. Word usage and inflexion make an impact on me. It’s a great marketing tactic for anyone who has someone like me as a target. Example:

  1. Make marketing target feel like shite.
  2. Sell them something that they probably don’t need.
  3. Roll in the dough for product that is probably also shite.

This is also hard for me because I am not a salesman. I do not do well with false advertising. What you see is what you get with me and I am not OK with faking my emotions or hawking something that I don’t believe in. I am actually really bad at pretending. Is this why my friends call me “blunt?”

I always felt like people called me blunt as a nice way to call me a bitch to my face. “Oh this is my blunt friend, Allison” = “She will cut you.”

I am NOT a bitch. I hate that word anyway.  I already wrote a post about how that word s used to demean women and make us feel like we need to be sugar and spice and all things nice all the time. It is meant to be an insult to our femininity and makes us feel like we need to soften the blow whenever we speak the truth. PRO TIP: We can say no if we want to and we do not need to have a “because” or “why” behind that NO.

Back to pretending.

Since starting my business I have come across some of the most insincere selling approaches I have ever seen in my life.


It has come to the point for me where I have to stalk a coach or online persona for months before I trust them and what they have to offer.

Like, these people can fucking pretend. I’m telling you right now if you think your general neighbourhood is a dog eat dog world and it is hard to find quality over quantity, well… welcome to the mother-effin’ internet.

It can be hard for someone like me who can’t find it within to be fake. Most times I see a live video from a social media influencer, I wonder if they did a speedball first. If I was sitting in their living room and they came at me with the same level of enthusiasm as they did in their live videos on Facebook, I would probably jump out their window. Obviously, some crazy shit is about to go down in their hood and I need to make haste and get the hell out.

That being said. I get it. Each one of us needs to stand out. But, if we are going for longevity here, wouldn’t authenticity and delivering quality be so much more valuable and make someone stand out in the long run?

This is just my two cents – and I am going to keep my two cents if you don’t stop trying to sell me shite.

Anyhow, I really miss blogging, guys.

I have been so focused on making my life work and my work life that I had to take a break from writing. Sometimes my brain works so hard that all that comes out is mush on the ends of my fingertips. I have about 18 drafts sitting in my drafts folder just waiting to be finished. It is hard to juggle life sometimes.

…Almost as hard as playing pretend.


Love Yourself,


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