I really should be working on touching up a client proposal this Sunday morning. But instead, I feel the need to furiously hash out this post.
I have been thinking about this for so damn long. It has taken me a while to get over the thought of embarrassing myself or my family, and I also had to figure out what it was I wanted everyone to take from this post.
I’m a whiner sometimes and you know it.
I don’t want to be like that woman who posted about how hard it was to be pretty, because this is nothing like that. This is something more.
I grew up in a household with five older sisters (we can’t forget my brother stuck there in the middle) in our blended family. All of my sisters are gorgeous in their own right and I admired them growing up. I stole their makeup and clothes so I could look like them. I emulated them in ways like how they talked and what music they liked. They were able to persuade me to do stupid things like writing a love note to the older boy down the street. Yes, I did that. Yes, I quoted “True blue, Baby I love you…” Thank you, Madonna, for one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
However, growing up there was a huge emphasis on how we all looked. There still is and that’s no lie.
I love my family. But pretty much every time I know we will all be together I get anxiety over what part of my appearance is going to be picked apart. Is my hair right? Is my makeup perfect? Is this lipstick too much? Are these clothes appropriate? Do I need to change my shirt?
It’s fucking exhausting.
I appreciate beauty just like everyone else. There is beauty everywhere around us.
We don’t look at the sunset on certain days and say, “Ah, well that was a crappy one” just because the day before the sunset gave us an amazing display. That sun sustains our life. We appreciate it every day – and if we don’t, we definitely should.
I have way more shit going on in my mind than how I look 24/7. I know there are others out there too. WHERE ARE MY PEOPLE?
This is why when I see a woman running around with her top bun and unmakeuped face, I don’t judge her. She’s got a whole life behind her and I don’t even have the slightest clue about it.
I love makeup. Without it, I am not an attractive woman. I look way more like Ron Weasley (yeah, a boy) than I look like a 34-year-old woman. Even still, I do wish I could walk out of the house without makeup and not feel like I may get stoned… like biblical stoning when people throw rocks… and maybe the rocks are words and gnarly side-eye.
Our society puts way too much weight on how a woman looks. I know men get it too, but please, this is not the place for the “some men” argument. We know how unleveled this playing field is.
My position? The weight and how we value others should be on the mind and spirit.
What are women capable of? What kind of world does that particular woman have on her shoulders? What kind of intellect does that woman have that she is not sharing with the rest of us?
But, that’s not the first thing we think about, is it?
No, we see the outside package and we think about how it can be improved.
I had to laugh that NASA announced their first female chief flight director. I just had already assumed that we had broken past that gender barrier. I had no idea that this type of news would be released in 2018. I first read it and I had to look around myself for a minute to make sure I hadn’t accidentally teleported into the 1950s or something.
Great on NASA. That’s wonderful, it really is. Thank you for recognizing this woman’s brains. I am not denying that this is cool. It is my own ignorance that had forgotten that women are not fully represented in power positions.
Maybe it is because we still think women are most useful in positions where we get to appreciate and criticize their looks? Maybe we still deem them as the weaker sex, even mentally?
Did you hear about the model who was chastised on Twitter because she mentioned she can also code?
People didn’t believe her. They thought it was incredulous that a woman could possibly have beauty and brains. Imagine that!
Isn’t it time people realize what level of multitasking women are capable of?
We manage our own ships. We create homes and businesses. We build communities. We continue traditions that sometimes get lost in the hubbub of generations moving forward. We can grow and sustain human life for the first couple of years with our bodies (if we want to). We do these things all at the same time.
We are the sun.
I am not Ron Weasley. I am also not worth less because my hair is a mess.
I try so damn hard to make sure I am not instilling the idea that my own children need to be aware of how perfect or unperfect they look all the time. This has created such a feeling of low self-worth for me in my life that I am hyper aware of pushing that onto my girls.
There are days I do call them cute or beautiful. But, I like to choose words that highlight their minds instead. Even using language like, “you did a really great job on your makeup today,” changes the perception from the NEED to wear makeup to it being a fun thing if they want to use it.
There is nothing wrong with using makeup, either.
I am also a huge proponent of people doing what they want if it makes them feel good and as long as they aren’t hurting anyone else.
Just make sure you are feeling good for you and not feeling relief that you are good enough for someone else.
We are the sun.
We have amazing abilities, brains, brawns and we offer so much more than our outer package.
Some days we shine bright and other days we need our messy hair and the remnants of last night’s mascara in order to get shit done.
If you like this post, you might like this one too: “One Day You Wake Up and Realize You Don’t Know Everything.”
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