Bad at Pretending

This is attempt 3865 at writing this post.

What a whirlwind of a year we have had in the Stephens household. I took on volunteer roles, our youngest had her first year of preschool, our oldest is typical TEEN-OMG-AGERing on the daily, my husband left his job, both of us have started new businesses this summer and some nights we barely get to say hello to each other before our heads hit the pillow. Oh, and in the midst of this, our house flooded. The entire basement flooded during the great “Flash Flood of 2018” and all our downstairs possessions are now upstairs while everything dries out and we figure out what the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks we are going to do. No insurance coverage = of course.

Some days it is so easy for me to focus on the negatives. We have had a few mishaps happen, but holy moly we have had a lot of great opportunities as well. I thank the gods every day that I married a handsome and handyman who gets along with every person he meets – he balances out my “I’m judging the shit out of you” face every single time. Please note: I’m not really judging you, I am probably thinking about my to-do list or wondering where the end of the universe really is. (Can we touch it? If we enter a black hole will we get some sort of “Interstellar” treatment, or will we just disintegrate? This is important.)

My mind is always going. It’s racing really.

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Little Miss Humble? Or Mister Big Ego?

Little Miss Allison - no ego.

I posted just last week about not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. – Read: When I Grow Up I Wanna Be a Firetruck.

I can’t get this off my mind. I have been thinking and thinking and mulling this idea over in my head and my heart. It all boils down to, “Why did I ever stop doing the things I loved?”

The only tangible reason I can think of was that I was worried about getting hurt.

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When I Grow Up I Wanna be a Firetruck

Yes, I realize it has been a long time. No excuses from me and no questions from you, alright?

I am going to be 34 years old in two weeks.

In two weeks time, I am going to not just be jobless, but also careerless. If you don’t understand the difference between the two, let me explain:

Job = temporary work placement that is not necessarily in the field of choice you desire, but hey, at least it is employment!
Career = an assembly of all the jobs you have taken in a certain field that provides opportunity for advancement, personal growth and knowledge.

 

I am not excited to be entering this year of my life with yet another ball of feelings telling me I am not accomplishing what I am supposed to be doing.

I am more confused than ever, actually.

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Handmade with Love

Handmade. I am about to scare the shit out of some of you.

My recent post (Check it out by Clicking Here “Journey is not a Buzz Word”) gave a little glimpse into my recent thoughts and wanderings, but a glimpse is not nearly as scary as jumping in with both feet.

I love handmade things.

I can feel the love someone has put into creating something. The time spent thinking about a loved one while they create a special gift for them is much more valuable than any monetary token.

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